Soul Coaching : be all you can be

Do you feel that something is missing from your life? Do you feel like you want something different only you can’t quite identify what exactly?

Can you answer this riddle?

Who am I?

Where do I belong?

What is it that I have to do in life?

The answer to this riddle is the key to happiness and fulfilment. Is there one answer that fits all or is it individualized?

If you could hear a message from your soul what would it be telling you? What would your soul want you to know?  

The soul’s potential calls us. It calls us to journey into the depths of our soul to discover the truth about ourselves. It calls us to discover our authentic self and our life’s purpose.  It calls us to go beyond our present boundaries, barriers and limits, and to clear out our mental and emotional clutter. It calls us to recognise our unique gifts. It calls us to greatness- which is simply to bring the best of ourselves to our day to day tasks  

Does this seem like a big leap? Just remember, you were born unlimited. Any limitations you have now you have picked them up along the way. They aren’t you. When we embrace our soul passion we experience wow! Don’t delay, start today. Now is the moment of power.

Mind Detox

Does your mind feel heavy, sluggish and dull? Maybe it is time for a mind detox? Like detoxing the body a mind detox makes the mind lighter, brighter and more resilient.  

So, what is the mind’s food? Thoughts. What are toxins for the mind? What makes it heavy, sluggish and dull? What causes you to over-think and go in a spin? What keeps you awake at night? Doubts, problems, worries, slights, complaints, annoyances, disappointments and how to get people to like you?

Detox the Mind: go on a fast. Eat less but more nutritious food. Here are examples of 5 diet plans.  

Fast from doubt. All sorts of doubts, as doubt makes us heavy and invites fear in.  

Chew on getting to know yourself better. Knowledge brings understanding and this gives us self-confidence, good wishes for our self and the power to change. Our feelings either empower or dis-empower us, so why not choose ones that will empower you?

Fast from stickiness. We can either see things as a problem, a challenge, an opportunity or best of all as a gift.  

Presentation matters!  The more we move from seeing situations as problems to gifts the easier it is for us to expand our mind and find the solution. 

Fast from boiling. Someone says something and we feel slighted or hurt and we react.

Turn down the heat. Pause, and if needed take time-out. Stretch your mind and honestly ask yourself: Do they have a point? If not, then you don’t need to be concerned about it. If yes, is there something that you can do to make things better? Take the benefit of the incidence and stay light.  Also, be patient with yourself.

Fast from over-planning meals. When we expect we get easily disappointed when things don’t go as we wanted them to.   
Use what is in the cupboard.  Appreciate whatever happens and you will find benefit in everything.   

Fast from pleasing. Often we mould ourselves to how we think others want us to be to gain their approval and love.  Only it is difficult to please everyone all the time.

Right ingredients. Self-respect, recognize your inner qualities and values and express and live by these.   

Peace of Mind

Who doesn’t want peace of mind? Hands-up! The good news is that we can all have peace of mind. The key is to understand what peace is and what the mind is.

What is peace?

Peace is a state of inner contentment and fulfilment. If there is any animosity or sorrow within us we can’t be peaceful.

What in the mind?

Is it something physical? Something we can hold and weigh? Are thoughts physical, measurable, tangible?  

Who does ‘our’ mind belong too?

We say ‘my’ hands and ‘my’ feet and expect them to do what we tell them to do. In the same way we say ‘my’ mind. Does this not make the mind ‘our’ property? Does this not mean that it too should do as we tell it to?  

What does it mean to be in charge of ‘our’ mind?

Are you aware of the link between your thoughts and feeling? Think of a deep, still lake in a beautiful green valley... how do you begin to feel? Now think being squashed on a delayed train not sure if you are going to get to an important meeting on time... how do you begin to feel? You haven’t physically been present in either of these situations and yet just thinking about them has had effect on how you feel hasn’t it? So, squashed on the train could you not turn your thoughts to that beautiful valley? You can’t do anything about the delayed train, but you can about the mood you turn up to your meeting in.

So...Who is in charge of ‘your’ mind?

You?  Are you always in charge or only sometimes? At times we seem to unconsciously hand over the remote-control of our mind to someone else. They then are in charge of pressing the buttons! Sometimes it isn’t a person, it could also be our worries about the future or past events that rob us of our peace of mind.

Peace of Mind

1/ Become the master of your own mind. Take back the remote-control and choose what buttons you want to press for yourself. Nurture contentment within yourself and live your full potential.

2/ Free yourself from worries about the future. We create our own futures. We can determine to become our best self. Things will happen, only when they do we will find we can cope, find a way through, the help we need will appear and that we can help others to handle it too. Just focus on what you need to do now and do it to the best of your ability, then whatever happens you will be fine.

3/ Free yourself from the past. Have you noticed how when a past memory emerges the feeling comes too? I am feeling great and then the memory comes and I no longer feel soo great! One way of helping to free our self from re-living the past over and over again is reframing. Reframing takes away the sting of the memory and this then allows God’s love to reach us and heal us.

Reframing. See if you can see things from the other’s side? Check, what good has happened as a result of that event that wouldn’t otherwise have happened? Something you have learnt? Are you more self-confident? A new friend? A new job? A trip?

4/ Be selective about your thoughts. Make your thoughts high quality thoughts. Have a powerful and determined thought for yourself, such as, I am not going to let anything rob me of my peace of mind; this conflict must get resolved…. Also, have good wishes for others.

People Skills

Who doesn’t want to get on with people? To have fun, cooperate and live in harmony together? So, why is it that our biggest challenges, more often than not, are relationships? What can we do to improve our people skills? We can employ REAL. These are the four essential building-blocks of for great relationships.

REAL : Respect . Empathy . Accept . Listen

Respect: this is about seeing the intrinsic value of both our self and others.  

Practise: notice one good thing about everyone you meet today.

Empathy: this is about understanding something from another’s point of view.

Practise: if you are getting into a disagreement with someone stop and imagine yourself standing in their shoes. See if you can see where they are coming from. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, instead it fosters understanding which enables better communication and the finding of a solution rather than falling out.  

Accept: this is about letting people be themselves and not trying to control others. Just accept them as they are. We can save ourselves from a lot of frustration and anger this way.

Practise: recall a time when you have felt accepted and one when you have not. In both cases what was your feeling towards that person? Now think of someone you find challenging. Imagine that you are meeting for the first time. Step back from your judgements about them and attempt to see them in a different light.  

Listen: today we are all so busy that very rarely do we sit down quietly and truly listen to each other.  To listen is to listen with your heart and without comments or judgements.

Practise: next time you meet someone allow yourself to be present in the moment  and give then your full attention - just listen. 

Avoid Avoidance!

Is there something you are avoiding? Do you sugar coat why you are avoiding it or play it down? Do you have good ideas that you don’t dare follow through? Do you do things but at the same time hold yourself back? Are you afraid to shine?

Why do we avoid?
It might be fear of rejection, humiliation, other’s judgment and criticism or fear to stand out in the crowd (a lack of self-belief or self-value.) Over time avoiding becomes our habit and rules us.

What can we do?

1. Start believing in YOU – in who YOU are, which has nothing to do with what you do. Start enjoying being YOU.
2. Take time out to spend with YOU and find out all about YOU, as you would with a new friend. Start noticing what and how you avoid and become your own best friend. Laugh at yourself and encourage yourself to stop avoiding.  
3. Step out of your comfort zone and start realising your full potential. If we don’t we will always be looking for things to fill our lives. Explore the question: What is my purpose?

Addressing the Habit

• Stay alert so that when an avoidant thought arises in your mind you notice it before it has you under its spell.
• Dispute it. Catch yourself out. ‘Ahh, you again! I know you.’ 
• Replace it with an positive affirmation, such as, I am able and capable; I am a valuable person; there is nothing to be afraid of…  
• Act with determination and full intention.

The Manifesto 
Ultimately we are stopping ourselves from being ourselves. Write a manifesto: Who are you? What are your values? What do you believe in? How do you want to ‘be’ – feel and interact with others. Who are you?

360 degrees Presence

What does having presence mean? Can you think of someone you know who has presence? Sometimes we give people high prominence in our mind, however, this is different to presence. Real presence, like the sun, influences without wanting attention and can change the atmosphere of a room.

Real presence is something we can all have. To attain presence we need to become ‘present’ and re-claim our own inner power. Present and I am aware of being present right here and now. I feel at ease and I am aware of my own inner stillness, peace, freedom and power. Inner power is about having the inner strength to not react, be surprised or agitated by anything and maintain my inner stillness and positivity.

More often than not we are not ‘present’- we have either drifted off into the past, future or a daydream. Alternatively, we might escape into a movie, book or into emails, face book and twitter. Either way, we are no longer aware of our self as separate from the ‘story.’ Can you watch a film, for example, without any reactions, likes or dislikes? Does this sound boring? If it does, this is a sign that, you are seeking to escape the present moment and distraction.  

360 degree presence, this is about the quality of our consciousness. Imagine a dark room and then turn on the light. The light fills the room and you see the furniture that is there and the shadows it casts. So too, it is with consciousness. When we turn on the light of consciousness we illuminate any ‘furniture’ that is there and ‘shadows’ it casts. Shadows can be cast by, for instance, difficult relationships.

All these shadows can be removed. To remove the shadow cast by a difficult relationship send powerful good wishes to that person; try it and see how that relationship improves. We can then extend this to giving light to the whole world, this helps us remove a lot of shadows.  The light of consciousness is designed and meant to radiate outwards in all directions and touch others and world.

Another tip: the screen of our mind can be likened to a computer desktop. We open many screens and flick from one to another. So too, we all have many ‘stories’ running and we jump from one to another and back again all day long. We then go to bed feeling drained and exhausted. To experience 360 degree presence, for a moment just close down all the screens.



Believe in Yourself: Reclaiming your Self Esteem

To esteem is to value, appreciate or honour. When did you last remind yourself what you values appreciate or honour about yourself? Can you say, ‘I am wonderful’ with conviction?

How do you feel on a scale of 1-5 about the following?

1	2	3	4	5
Worthless				Valuable
Sad				Happy
Inner Turmoil				Inner Peace
Lack Self-Respect				Self-Respect
Stay in Comfort Zone				Take Calculated Risks
Crumble with Constructive Criticism				Learn from Constructive Criticism
Critical of Others				Accepting of Others
Obstacles are Barriers				Obstacles are Opportunities
Dependent				Independent

What do you base your self-esteem on?
Do you base it on external things, such as, ‘your’ possessions, wealth, position, appearance, age, title, family, connections etc.?
OR
Do you base it on your original positive qualities? On your authentic self?

Take an iceberg, only 10% is visible and this 10% is influenced by whatever wind is blowing (current opinions, appearances, fashions, situations). The other 90% is below the surface and it is influenced by deeper currents (our inner and authentic self.)

What is the inner self?

It is the core of our being. It is our solid ground. It is where peace, love, wisdom, stillness, strength, freedom, clarity and spiritual experience reside.

How do we access our inner self?

We need to observe our self and attain self-knowledge.

1. Acknowledge your five original inner qualities of peace, love, power, joy and purity.
2. Reflect on them and allow yourself to go into the experience of them in meditation.
3. Share them with others and day by day restore your positive self. Peace, for example, can be expressed as patience, calmness, tranquillity or serenity. Love as kindness, caring, compassion, acceptance or generosity. Joy as lightness, easiness, happiness, laughter or humour.

Destiny?

Sow a thought and reap an action.

Sow an action and reap a habit.

Sow a habit and reap a destiny.

What do you think? Is our future set in stone or do you think we have some say in the matter? 

If you look at where you are today, would you say that, on the whole, it has been your own choices and decisions that have brought you ‘here’?

If you agree that how you have thought and acted has created your ‘today’? Would you agree that how you think and act today is shapes your future?

Some things we can’t change. One thing we can change though is our own habits and so our destiny.  How do we begin? It begins with a choice, the choice to take personal responsibility for ourselves and our life. 

 ‘You matter, what you do matters,

and what you do today can change your future possibilities.’

Next, set your intention. What is your dream of your future? What does the future you feel like? Happy or sad? Our future vision is going to determine (consciously or unconsciously) the decisions we make. It is your destination. 

Then, when we set out on a journey besides our destination we also need to know where we are starting out from. So, we also need to learn about our present self so we know what we need to change and do to reach our destination. Only don’t think too much! Too much thinking and we miss ourselves, allow your mind to become quiet. A still mind is needed for there to be clarity.  A good tool is to begin and end the day with meditation. 

Now, knowing where you are and where you want to go, just be ever ready for all the opportunities that present themselves to you for you to learn and grow into who you want to be.  We often miss opportunities because we are focusing on the problem not the opportunity in it; we fear of making the wrong decision; we aren’t prepared; we hesitate or we give up too soon.  However, to move forward seize the opportunity. Life is now and the time is now.  Stay focused on the positive possibility and then you can’t lose out, because even if it doesn’t’ work out’ you’ll find that you have learnt something valuable.

Dream and follow your dreams and see how your life changes. There will be enthusiasm just thinking about where you are going and you will be begin to enjoy the journey as you know that all you are learning today is the beginning of greater things to come. The future then no longer seems fearful but a place eagerly anticipated.

Mood Management

A mood is different from an emotional reaction. Emotions are like the waves created on the surface of the lake by the wind. They tend to be reactions to external situations and short lived. Can you count how many emotions you experienced today?

A mood is something deeper and that lasts for longer. Moods influence our interpretation of events, our outlook and interactions with others. They can be positive or negative. Negative moods are often the influence of our past experiences. We can feel trapped in them and whatever we do we just can’t seem to shake it off!

How about the pessimistic (I’ll never get a job) versus the optimistic (I will get a job) mood? The ‘rejected’ mood with its pervading expectation of rejection. The happy and light-hearted mood. The angry and fiery mood. The cool and unruffled mood.

Everyone wants to be in a positive mood don’t they? Does anyone go on a course on how to create an unhappy mood? So, what can we do to free ourselves from negative moods? The secret is to know our true value and uniqueness, and to divest ourselves of any false beliefs we may be holding.

We tend to define who we are based on our appearance, position, job or wealth rather than on our inner qualities, values and identity. We all share an original state of peace, love, wisdom, purity and happiness. When we begin to work with these and express these we increase our self-respect, self-belief and our positivity. As we align with our truth we feel more & more content and less & less needy and our prevailing mood becomes more and more light and positive. It just begins by choosing to generate something positive from within.